So we want cuddles. We crave touch that doesn't take; adult cuddles which fill our cup. Yes, we love cuddling our children- of course! They are the most gorgeous and sweetest of all things. And we also want and need touch and cuddles that hold and support us, for us, too.
As a solo Mama, this is tricky at the best of times. We may not have someone we are dating that can hold us. We might not know a man who we feel safe asking to come round for sofa cuddles and holding.
So what then…?
Women friends.. Single mum friends! Ask a friend round and switch up being the big spoon, so that you each feel held. Offer each other massages and tingly head and foot rubs. This can go such a long way! And it is so deliciously transformative to allow ourselves to be seen and held in this way.
Is it sexual? Well we could talk about this for hours.. maybe, no, yes… who the fuck cares? Talk about your boundaries well and be in consent for each act of touching or cuddling and try really hard to be in your body as much as you can (honouring each feeling) so you can truly soak up the shared love and supportive energy.
This is the gift of friendship in action!
If the idea of asking your friends to touch or cuddle you fills you with dread, I hear you. Being raised by a mother who was emotionally disconnected, unaffectionate due to her own wounding, held me back from truly connecting with women friends for a long time. It has been a pokey and wonderful journey to feel comfortable and in touch with a community of women friends.
A way to start, if this is you too, maybe to start your own group, or to look for one to join. Conscious touch sessions or ecstatic & 5 rhythms dance has a gentle connection component where you may meet like hearts.
And failing that… massage yourself, pay for a massage and in your imagination/vision portal, picture your inner child… really hold the image and cuddle her as tenderly and as fiercely as you would your own children… filling her with love and strength and telling her all the kinds of wonderful she is.
You are LOVE!
My Horny Self.
I am so fucking horny. My last episode of physical intimacy was in November of last year. Here we are in the middle of May and I haven’t had any since.. I haven’t made a vow to be celibate per say, but I have made a promise to myself to do things differently than I have my whole life so far.
There has been a cute and hot guy who I have been very loosely doing the lets meet for a fuck dance with for the last couple of years.. He is ten years younger than me which is edgy in itself.. the age story certainly has brought up beliefs around my body and what it should, could, would look like, over the time we have been on and off in touch… But more recently, I am not worried about that at all, and my quick fantasies are about having ‘empowered’, easy sex and not letting it, the non relationship sex… bleed into my life.
The thing is though, a perk of working on oneself and exploring the universe and internalverse with powerful psychedelics, is… well.. I am super sensitive to energy. I eat a spoonful of dessert and I’m high off the sugar and am aware that I have moved into in a different dimension.
I know… boring to list this as a significant reason not to indulge. But I really don’t want this mans energy to be something I have to navigate if we are not building proper intimacy.
Sometimes we need to hear it from a friend.
“Don’t fuck him if you are gunna be in a shitty process after” S messages me, as I explain my horny dilemma to her. She is right, I know it and now I have heard it spoken (typed) by a loved and trusted one, outside of myself. It is harder to ignore.
The truth is, my inner child doesn’t wanna be fucked by a rando.. My adult self doesn’t want to be in a vulnerability hangover the next day.
My inner child and adult woman self want the love, holding, true intimacy and connection that comes from meeting someone who is themselves in mature adulthood. Who has enquired within and met their shadows, who can rise to the bold ask of love and growth in action, and not run. Who is confident in themselves, purposeful and aware of their value and gifts, who is individuated and self accepting. Who is a representation of divine union in human form.
As soon as I allowed myself to feel the self-love that this deep desire gifted me, it was no match for the horny teenager.
As I sit on the grass with my laptop writing this, my heart is dancing with gratitude at the playfulness of life and the parts of us that, on the surface feel like they want different things. After a moment of digging though, they are unified and wish only for the deepest of deep loves, and I can give that to myself.
Much love xxx